Day 10 - First Kiss / First Love

Just whipping through the list of my 30 Day Challenge...


Day 10 - Discuss your fist love and your first kiss

As I mentioned in my 30 Interesting Facts post (Day 06), I was 22 when I had my first kiss.  That was a bit late in life, eh?  Having been a late-lifer in that area, I wish I could say there was some great romantical story to go along with that kiss, but...eh...not so much.  I met JonathAn...or was it JonathOn (roommate and friend Laura questioned him at the time and I honestly don't recall his answer) on a Friday night maybe sometime in March of my senior year.  He was the 24 year old older brother of one of our neighbors visiting for the weekend.  Laura's boyfriend at the time lived in Houston and arrived pretty late to come up and visit for the weekend.  I had hostessed a dinner party earlier in the evening, serving lasagna, but I didn't use enough sauce.  I made some extra for the side, but sadly the extra sauce was depleted by the time Brian arrived.  I did what I always have done - played defense so that I wouldn't be offended.  This means I went ahead and apologized while serving Brian for the dry lasagna.  Once he was done eating it, he thanked me and said, "you were right."  I said, "huh?"  He answered, "it was a bit dry."  JERK.  That was unnecessary and it hurt my feelings.  I went outside to pout and there entered Jonathan.  He asked for a piece of the infamous lasagna and told me it was perfect.  The next night I may or may not have consumed WAY too much alcohol when a group of us went out to a nearby bar.  No worries, Brian was our designated driver.  After we left the bar, we went to Walmart to get ice cream.  I brought Jonathan some ice cream (apparently I liked to feed him) and one thing lead to another and I totally made out with him.  First kiss.

and that had to hold me over until my second kiss which wasn't until 7 years later with the guy who became my first love....

Did you read my Religion post (Day 04)?  If so, I mentioned this bad news bear.

Basically, I was a 29 year old girl who had the experience of a 16 year old girl (or younger).  By that time, I was desperate to fall in love and I was quick to do so without regard for my own well-being.  Warning signs were ignored not because I didn't see them or because I was ignorant or even because I didn't know better, but rather because I excused them away and somehow made them okay.  I needed the things he did or said to be okay because I needed him.  or...at least I thought I did.  So many times I told myself to walk away (I should have run), but I couldn't.  He was my drug.  I was on a daily emotional roller coaster with him - anxiety and depression flooding my very being.  I craved the sweet side of him and whenever I caught a glimpse of that guy, it held me over through the mean and ugly side of him (which definitely occurred more often).  He was a Dr. Jeckyl / Mr. Hyde and as our relationship progressed, so did his mood swings.

I kept a journal of sorts while dating him.  I finally deleted the journal last week (see here).  This was 3+ years after the relationship ended one of the worst ways a relationship can possibly end.  I liked to torture myself periodically by reading the entries of this journal and seeing how pathetic I was for nearly 2 years of my life.  I decided to forgive myself last week and move on.  I cannot change the past, but I can learn from it.  It was an abusive relationship that forced me to learn an emotionally expensive lesson.  First love.

Day 09: Future

and the 30 day challenge continues...


Day 09:  How you hope your future will be like

Since we learned I have had (past tense) a tendency to wish away my today for a perceivably better tomorrow (Day 08 - Satisfaction), I soooo already have my future planned out, don't ya know!

Can I just say my hope is that my future is HAPPY and call it a day?

probably not, huh?  tough crowd.

I have ideas in my head that are just screaming to be put to paper for a custom built home.  I get ideas from tv shows or other people's houses and I store them away for future reference.

I have planned my wedding/reception, for the most part.  I'm talking colors, songs, guest list, readings, etc.  Still hanging onto the hope that I will someday get married.

I have names picked out for my future children.  I would like to have 3, though my biological clock may be ticking a bit too fast for that to happen.  I have a girl list and a boy list all complete with middle names and meanings.

So, to sum it up for you, I hope my future happy self is married with kiddos living in a custom built home.  Did I mention happy?  I won't settle for less.

Day 08 - Satisfaction

It's been a while since I've written a post for my 30-day Challenge, so here goes...

Day 08 - A moment you felt most satisfied with your life.

The sad thing is that I'm never really satisfied.  I believe I have discussed before how in my younger days I wished away the "here and now" for future days.  While in junior high, for example, I couldn't wait to be in high school.  It's like I had some vision of things being so much better in just a few more years.  It wasn't even that things were bad...I just wasn't who I wanted to be and I had no idea how to become her.  This was the trend in high school and again in college.  Next thing I knew, BAM - I was in the real world and completely clueless about everything. 

Though my heart and smile are still the same, I've wisened up a bit.  I've toughened up a bit, as well.  I'm also still always left...wanting...for lack of a better word.

Does any of this make sense?

I've lost a lot of weight, but I still have a lot left to lose.  Instead of being proud of what I have accomplished, I focus on what I have yet to accomplish.

I've run races - half marathons even - instead of glorifying in the moments post-race, I think what I could have / should have done differently and how I will do better next time.  I'm always thinking of next time before I even have a chance to recover from this time.

For a girl who prides herself on wandering through this world sipping from a rose colored half full glass, I sure am sounding like a negative-Nelly. 

This isn't the girl I want to call me.  I want to take time to relish in the joy of discovering new things and of living in the moment.  I want to celebrate the little things because they matter.  I need to feel satisfaction in the here and now, so that I can have a satisfying tomorrow.

It all starts today.  A new day, a fresh start.

Kim Versus the Half Marathon: Dallas Rock 'n' Roll

I woke up at 4:30am, having only gone to bed 5 1/2 hours earlier.  ugh.  At least I was able to get in 8 hours the night before!  I had hydrated my heart out all week long and gave myself one last opportunity Sunday morning with a Nuun tablet in my water and some oatmeal as breakfast.  I left my friend Julie's house in Fort Worth at 5:40 to go pick up Melissa at her hotel.  At 6:30 and we were off to The Finish Line as we were instructed to park there.

The highway was jacked up, yo.  What should have taken us 30 minutes to achieve, took us well over an hour.  We weren't alone in this, so we weren't panicking about missing the race or anything, but it left a sour taste in our mouths prior to starting.  Rachel was ahead of us somewhere - we never were able to meet up with her.  Once we finally parked, I had to stop at the porta-potties - it was like a desperate situation as in there may or may not have been dancing going on to avoid an unfortunate incident.  We then finally made it onto the shuttle bus and arrived somewhat near the starting line around 8:15ish (for the 8:00 race).  We made one more pitstop at the porta-potties and then walked up to the 15th corral just as it was walking towards the start line.  Yes, it was like that.  I guess in a way it was a good thing we didn't have to do a whole lot of standing around as it was 51 degrees at the start.  Brrrrr....

I felt great from the get-go.  I had a huge smile on my face and I was just trying to absorb stuff - you know...trying to be a good blogger and whatnot!  I have to say the cool air was welcomed, especially after Saturday's beautiful but scorching upper 80s.  Around 1.7 miles, I was approaching the 2nd band and they started playing a new song - I felt like it was just for me as it was one of my all time favorites - Brown Eyed Girl.  I could just imagine my friend Laura and I squealing "We are brown-eyed girls" as we used to do in college.  another smile.  Shortly thereafter I hit mile 2 and got slapped in the face with a very steep hill.  I tried to run up it, but then realized halfway up it that I was killing my energy, so I got smart and walked the rest of it.  Once it was behind me, I began running again.  I saw some people (in tutus) dart across the road in front of me because they wanted to take a picture of some spectators.  I looked and sure enough - it was my caped crusader friend, That Pink Girl (only she was now Pink Gurl) and some of her super hero super star spectator friends!  I, too, darted across the road (only after looking both ways first since this was not a blocked street).  It was around 2.5 miles or so and I was so happy to see them.  I hugged TPG and got a picture with her and carried on.  another smile.  3 came pretty fast, then the 5K mark.  Started having some stomach issues and needed to find a bathroom STAT which brought mile 4 on pretty quickly.  There was a line and I knew I couldn't wait until the next set of bathrooms, so I was forced to wait in the line.  The entire process took me 6 minutes.  not smiling anymore.

I resumed running - more hills.  I started getting that all too familiar pang in my right side, then in my left.  The side stitches were returning.  When this happened during my training runs, I called it quits.  I couldn't do that here.  I made it to about mile 5 and then I decided to walk for a bit.  We were in an area called Highland Village.  If you are from Houston, I would liken it to River Oaks.  Beautiful older LARGE homes with amazing landscaping lining the streets.  Such a pretty picture, so serene.  I often joke that I run slower than most people walk.  Well during this time, I was walking faster than I run.  smiling resumed.  The winding through this area ended around 6.5 miles and I began running again.  Side stitches were very much still an issue.

I saw TPG (she took my pic as I approached) and her gang around mile 7.5 and they were such a welcomed sight.  I complained about my problem.  TPG said she would walk with me for a bit and explained to me that I'm breathing too shallow and need to take deeper breaths.  She also had me put my arms above my head to help with this.  We parted ways with a promise to see each other at the finish line and I resumed running.  My sides felt a bit better.  smiling and running.
I hit mile 8 and there was a female police officer that made me chuckle.  She was encouraging us to keep on going and telling us we were doing a great job.  She then added that what we were doing "is not considered normal behavior."  So funny.  smile returned.

I hit mile 9 and I started to feel the twinge of pain in my calves - charlie horses were coming to attack.  I tried to fight them off, but I was forced to return to walking as they were less painful that way.  Intermittently I tried to jog here and there.  By mile 10, my calves were screaming.  Whenever I tried to run, my toes curled and forced my feet to sort of buckle inward.  It was a very weird feeling.  At 10.5, I couldn't take it anymore, so I pulled over and stretched my calves using the curb.  I then tried running and made it about a quarter of a mile before they started screaming again, walking resumed.  so not smiling, like not in the slightest.

At mile 11, there was another band playing another favorite song of mine - Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" (Ahhh....Glee).  I wasn't going to give up on my PR - I had it, I knew I had it...I just had to keep trucking along no matter what!

At mile 12, I desperately wanted to finish out the race running.  I tried and failed.  About a quarter of a mile before the finish line, TPG jumped out from the sidelines and came to my rescue.  She said encouraging, beautiful words, and ran with me until we hit the 13 mile marker.  She sent me on my way to finish and I ran out the remainder with a big smile on my face.  I crossed the finish line with tears in my eyes.

I was emotional because I came back from an injury (pelvic stress fracture) and PRd - despite it being a tough race with lots of pain.  I was emotional because there was one amazing friend who ran with me and encouraged me and then when I crossed the finish line, there was another who had finished almost 45 minutes before me ready to give me a hug.  I was emotional because I hurt..

After getting my bottle of water and medal and hugging Melissa, we went to get a banana, a Snickers Marathon bar, and a bottle of Cytomax and then we went to go find TPG.  We got some pictures and then we headed out.  My calves were screaming so badly, I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to drive. Shockingly, once I got out of my shoes and into my flip-flops, they started being a little nicer to me.

Melissa and me:  Half Marathon finishers!

Pink Gurl and me (she's my fave super hero)

Melissa and I went back to her hotel to shower and change and then we went with her boyfriend, David, to eat at Chuy's (we were FAMISHED) before heading back in our respective cars to Houston.

Official Time:  3:18:03 (a PR of over 6 1/2 minutes)
Finishing Song:  "Rock Star" by Nickelback  (kinda fitting for a Rock 'n' Roll race, eh?)

Next stop:  Tomball's 5K Bunny Run on April 9th (totally feeling a PR for this race)

On a side note - I need to do some research on these charlies horses.  I used to think they were as a result of improper hydration, but that cannot be the case as I consumed mass quantities of water and Nuun all week long.  I wonder now if my issue is from losing too much salt.  I am a VERY sweaty girl when I run.  Perhaps I need to start carrying salt tablets or green olives?  ha!  Anyone else out there suffer from this?  Tips appreciated!

a glimpse at my week

Well, first of all I've been drinking water like it's my job.  true story.  Went out to do my 10-miler on Sunday and let's just say it didn't end up being 10 miles.  Someone was dehydrated.  someone never learns.  So, the cup and I have become one.

my new camera!

Last week I received a call inquiring as to whether or not I wanted to participate in a focus group.  Hmmm...I'm all about helping my fellow marketers...I mean Marketing was my major in college and all that jazz, but what was in it for me?  Oh...$100, well okay.  So on Monday, I headed over to the Galleria area for a 2 hour focus group regarding the purchase of my mattress.  They fed me dinner.  I had a few laughs with the other focus group panel members.  They sent me on my way with $100.  So guess who had some extra cash to apply to her new camera fund?  This girl!  If you are wondering what happened to my former camera, see here.

Tuesday I decided to get all wild and cRaZy and sign up for Beach Palooza.  That Rachel - I'm telling you - she sure does some whackadoo things (like The Warrior Dash this past weekend) and this time I decided to jump on her band wagon.  Beach Palooza is a 5K obstacle course taking place in Galveston on September 24th.  If you are interested, register by March 29th to get the lower price of $35.  You get a t-shirt, a pineapple hat (who doesn't need one of those?) and a finisher's medal.  We all know how I feel about medals!  This could be a really fun bloggy meet-up...*hint, hint*

Wednesday I cooked dinner for a fella.  We ate my buffalo chicken and watched some tv.  It was his first time to meet my monsters.  They were shockingly on their best behavior.  Penelope pulled a rag toy out of the toy bin for him to throw for her so they could play fetch.  In case you are just tuning in, Penelope is blind.  I don't know what got into her, but this wasn't the first time.  A few months ago, she pulled the same stunt when LaShaune came over for the first time after we went to see a play.  My weird little wonder-pup.

Oh and I finalized my outfit for my half marathon that is this Sunday - the Dallas RnR.  *gulp*  I'm not ready for it.  Someone (me) has allowed her A.D.D. to kick in and distractions have led me astray from my training.  Ah well...I'm gonna go out there and do my best and then kick my A.D.D. to the curb for the next two I have lined up in rapid succession.  I shall wear a white Nike dri-fit tank, black Nike capris, and a pink Nike hat (the pink hat is in honor of my good friend That Pink Girl who is coming on out to cheer me on).

Last, but not least, I decided it was time for me to leave some emotional crap behind me, so I deleted about 200 emails (a journal of sorts) which I had saved in a special file.  These emails spanned across a very painful 2 years for me.  I had been torturing myself lately by reading them and felt it healthy to "destroy" them.  We can't change the past, that is for sure.  It is true we can learn from it, but beating our selves up over it never did anyone any good.  I feel a bit cleansed.

Tonight I head to Fort Worth. 

How's your week going, my little gumdrops?

Day 07 - Hey, what's your sign?

source here

Day 07 - Your Zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Well...I am a Pisces.  Maybe I don't like to eat fish because I'm not into cannibalism.  It's all so clear now...

I decided the best place to find out information about "my kind" would be http://www.pisces.com/.

PISCES - February 19 - March 20

 Pisces is the 12th sign of the Zodiac and is represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions. The two fish symbolize the internal struggle of the soul within a Pisces. 

Pisces is considered a feminine or negative sign. Feminine signs are considered more passive, receptive and sensitive than masculine/positive signs.

Pisces are sensitive, humane and often idealistic. (Pisces) react emotionally to everything making them compassionate and sensitive to those around them.

Being able to read and react to situations makes Pisces one of the most adaptive signs in the Zodiac. They are very intuitive and as a result can be flexible and prosper in many different situations. The intuitive nature of Pisces also makes them a very creative and imaginative sign. 

I don't know about all that business, but what I will say is that I am loyal, flexible (though stubborn, which I imagine sounds contradictory), somewhat creative when given the license to be so/do so, and I'm definitely reactive.  ha!

Those of you who know me in real life would have to attest to whether or not the Pisces label suits my personality.  Interestingly enough, when the powers that be decided to change up the Zodiac, my sign remained unchanged, so I am one with the Pisces forevermore.

my birthday: a tale of happy mixed with a bit of woe

I'm a little upset about something.  Well...okay, a lot upset about something.  I have been making an effort to take more pictures of my life.  It doesn't come naturally.  We weren't raised this way.  Sure, sure...there are pictures here and there, but then I have some friends who are so good at capturing the moments of life and it makes me super jealous that they just know what to do and when to do it.

I bring my camera with me everywhere I go just in case I remember to whip it out on a whim.  Rarely do I purposely plan in advance for its use (bad blogger).  I had it with me on Friday night, my birthday, for the friend celebration (remember how I celebrated my fake birthday with family a week ago?).  I decided to do the same thing I did last year - a dinner gathering at Los Cucos.  This year was a bit different as I actually had a date.  =D  Older sister Cathy surprised me by bringing a turtle cake from Rao's, so I had her take a picture of that.  Then I took some pics of my party peeps.  I handed off my camera to others to take pictures of the people I couldn't get, including me with my date (the first picture of us).  I must have forgotten to put my camera back in its rightful place in my purse once it was handed back to me because the next day I noticed it was missing.

After family lunch at Red Robin on Saturday, I went over to Los Cucos to inquire as to whether or not they had found it.  Nope - no one had seen it.  Hmmm...me thinks there is a thief amongst them.

So...now I am sad.

I did manage to download a couple of pics on Friday at work before I left for the day.  I must have had a 6th sense that my camera was going to disappear.

This is a picture of the cake my mom ordered from R.J. Goodies and brought to work for me.  My dudes at work think every 3rd Friday of the month should be cake and ice cream day, by the way.

This is a picture of the red roses that were delivered to me.  They were completely unexpected, so very beautiful, and most appreciated.  ;)

My parents took me to lunch, I was able to unite some of my friends and some of my siblings (brother Eddie and sister-in-law April not in attendance since they live in Los Angeles) for my dinner, and I got some MORE really great presents!  I was gifted with a lot of great books, so I best get to reading!!!  I also got the earphones I wanted - I put them to the test on Sunday and loved them!  yay!

Despite the camera incident AND the fact I had to work on my birthday, it was a wonderful day!

I have thought about going to local pawn shops and asking if they have the camera that fits my battery charger and picture uploader.  Wouldn't it be cool to turn this into a Cinderella story of sorts?  They can have it back as soon as I get my pics.  *sigh*

Day 06 - 30 Interesting Factoids

Hope you aren't getting sick of my 30-day Challenge.  This one is a fun one, so it should lighten the mood a bit!

Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

Here goes 30 facts about me.  Not quite sure about the interesting part...

1)  I don't have a middle name.  'tis true.  My parents claim they couldn't come up with anything to go with Kimberly.  If they had and if it started with an  "I", my initials would be K.I.M., but then the pressure would be on to meet and marry a dude with a last name starting with an M.  Oye...

2)  I name inanimate objects.  It probably stems from the fact that I don't have a middle name.  See this fella here?  His name is Henry.  I bought and planted him when I first moved in - almost 11 years ago.  He was but a wee little babe and fit perfectly in his little bed.  now...not so much.

3)  I did not have my first kiss until I was 22.  true, pathetic story.

4)  Though I am only 1/8 Irish, I totally claim that heritage over any of the other components that make up my muttishness.  This is why it hurts me so that my birthday just missed St. Patty's day by one measly day.  I would have liked to have been the pride of my people.

5)  I don't eat "weird" cheeses.  By weird I mean bleu or goat or stinky.  I realize I could soooo never be a foodie because of this.

6)  I have a "thing" for garden gnomes.  Here is my most recent one.  My parents gave him to me for Christmas.  I call him Claude.

7)  I was a card carrying member of the *N Sync Fan Club once upon a time.  I may or may not have gone to 4 of their concerts.  don't judge me.  I heart J.C.

8)  I'm probably a little rusty now, but once upon a time I knew all the words to the musical Rent.  I saw the original cast revival in London back in the summer of '98 and fell in love.

9)  I still have all of my Christopher Pike books that I read in my youth.  I would love to pass them down to my child(ren) some day.  I had to babysit a lot of hours ($2-$3 per hour) to buy these books.

10)  My mother once closed the car window on my face.  This helped to make me who I am today.

11)  If I had to choose one food to eat the rest of my life, it would be pizza.  I heart it THAT much.  I don't eat it very often, though.  I don't have a shut-off valve where it is concerned, sadly.  Ironically, as much of a carnivore as I am, I actually prefer a more vegetarian (mushrooms, tomatoes, onions, black & green olives) approach to my pizza.

12)  My younger sister vomited in my mouth when she was a baby.  It was sort of like a mama bird feeding her baby, but reverse and way more disgusting.  May that never happen to you.  I have forgiven her, I think.

13)  I love to cook, but not to bake.  Baking is unforgiving of my experimentation.  I do, however, love to eat baked goods.  Brownies and lemon bars, in particular.  Neither are on my diet plan, though.  *sigh*

14)  I have a Beanie Baby collection.   My favorite is this little otter guy.  Isn't he so precious?  His name is Otis.  He fits in the palm of my hand.

15)  I've caught 4 bouquets at weddings.  yeah...that whole tradition is bunk.  I promise you that by catching one you are soooo not the next one to get married.

16)  I have been in two weddings of people I am no longer friends with...friendships that ended badly.  I find it kind of sad that forever they will have weddings pics with me in them, yet I'm no longer in their lives.

17)  I always wanted to lose a tooth at school so I could go to the nurse and get one of those cool little treasure chests to keep my tooth in until I got home.  Sadly, it never happened.  =(

18)  Back in the day, older sister Cathy wrote and sang a song about my My Little Pony underwear I wore.  Pretty sure she was mocking them and me.  rude.

19)  Winnie the Pooh scares me.  There is a whole story that explains this from when I was about 5 years old or so, but it's a bit too wordy for this post.  Just know that should I have kiddos some day, their rooms will not be adorned with this demon.

source here

20)  I went to year-round school when I lived in Denver (3rd and 4th grade).  It was quite a different experience to be in school for 9 weeks, then out for 3, and repeat. 

21)  The color yellow makes me violent. 

22)  I talk ridiculously fast.  When I am nervous or anxious or any other emotion other than "normal", it gets even more ridiculous.  I don't even need to pause for breaths.  I could consider an alternate profession as an auctioneer perhaps?

23)  I hallucinated ants crawling all over my bed while on pain meds after my first of two ACL knee surgeries.  good times.  NOT.  My brother refused to help me remove the "ants" which meant helping me change the sheets, so I stripped my bed down to the mattress and slept on a naked mattress that night.  What a great brother, huh?  We won't talk about all the times I saved him from the thunder and lightening!

24)  I gave my first roommate in college an ulcer.  It's true, just ask her.  weirdo.

25)  While in Killarney (Ireland) about 10 years ago, I fell down an entire flight of stairs.  Alcohol combined with the fact that I never did learn the difference between my right and my left were to blame for this incident.  I was a bit sore from my tumble, but otherwise uninjured, thankfully.

26)  I've been dying my hair since I was 16.  Who knows it's original color?  Surely not I.  It used to be when I got upset, it got colored or when I got bored, it got colored.  Now, it gets colored when I see grey.  My how times change.  One thing that never changes is that my mom always thinks it's too dark.

27)  I will ride any roller coaster in the world, but if you put me on a spinning ride (think: tea cups), I will vomit on you AND hate you.  yeah, it's like that.

28)  My ringtone on my phone is considered obnoxious by most, but I love it.  It's Little Boxes which is the theme song to the show Weeds.

29)  I kinda like the smell of gasoline.  just sayin'  (if I could do a scratch 'n' sniff here, I so would)

30)  I believe in Bigfoot.  Don't judge me.  Aliens are an interesting concept to me.  I won't confirm or deny the possibility of their existence.  I had to do some research on Roswell while in college and let's just say I found it VERY interesting...

There you have it - 30 things you may or may not have known about me.  Now tell me one totally cRaZy something about you UNLESS of course you are partaking in this challenge in which case I look forward to reading all 30 of your facts!

Day 05 - Thoughts of Suicide

At first I wasn't sure how I was going to answer this part of my 30-day Challenge, but as soon as I started typing, the words started flowing.  weird, but kinda cool.  Here we are on....

Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your life.

I can honestly say I've never been suicidal.  This is not to say I've never thought about death.

I've asked myself questions like would I rather drown or burn to death.  drown.  If I died who would come to my funeral?  hopefully lots of people cuz I'd like to believe I'm loved!  If I were to commit suicide, how would I do it?  pills - less messy.  This, by the way, wasn't a contemplation of the actual act.  I really, truly never have considered it.

Thankfully, no matter how bad my life got there for a while - and I did have a VERY rough spell - I always knew that I was loved by my family and my friends.  I always knew that even if I couldn't see it, there were better days ahead.  I had FAITH that things were going to get better...eventually.

Have you ever had surgery?  I've had two surgeries - two ACL knee surgeries cuz apparently I like to be symmetrical and very fair.  It's interesting how after the injury your body will start to naturally heal itself.  Now it can only do so much, mind you.  Still, your injured area starts to feel better.  You get more range of motion back every single day.  Then comes the surgery.  Oh criminey...the pain is worse than it was upon initial injury.  In other words, it has to hurt worse to get better.  That's how you know it is truly healing...the right way.

I kind of think that's how it works with our emotions.  When you don't deal with something the right way...in other words, you just sort of dust the issue/problem under the rug, you can ignore it for a while and you feel a little bit better.  Eventually that dust pile grows bigger and bigger and you have this giant elephant in the room...you know...under the rug.  You try so desperately to ignore it, but COME ON...it's an elephant now and you have no choice but to actually face it.  It hurts sooooo much.  It hurts too much.  It's hard, so hard to really get up underneath that rug and dust particle by dust particle work your way breaking down that elephant.  Some people give up.  They don't have the support network.  They don't have the strength.  They don't have the faith that it will get better.  That makes me sad.  It  makes me thankful for what I do have and it reminds me to count my blessings each and every day because with my support network, with my strength, with my faith...I was able to face my demons and get back on the right track.

In some ways, I am still removing the last bits of dust.  I probably will be for a while, but that's okay.  The pile didn't get there overnight, after all.

Day 04 - Religion

In continuing with my 30 Day Challenge...I'm now on:

Day 04 - Your views on religion.

Oh boy....I guess the point of this challenge is to get a girl thinking, but this topic makes me kinda uncomfortable.  At least I'm not skipping it, right?!  This is kinda wordy *warning*.

Here goes.  I was raised Catholic.  I have no issue with the Catholic faith.  I just stopped going to church because I got really annoyed with something that happened in mass when I was in college.  I guess, in general, you could say that I'm an open-minded person.  That is to say regardless of whether or not I agree with certain controversial topics, I can see both sides of an argument/issue.  In this particular incident, the church allowed for people to shout out prayer requests.  Most everyone shouted out something of a personal nature like a "please pray for my grandmother who is having surgery next Tuesday" kinda thing.  This is just an example, by the way.  My grandmother is not having surgery.  One parishioner shouted out, "please pray that Congress will reverse the abortion laws and that abortion will once again be illegal."  I was appalled.  I can't say that I necessarily agree with abortion, but I can say that I very much understand why it is legal.  Perhaps it was immature of me to stop attending church because of this.  I don't know.  All I knew was that I felt so uncomfortable and I just couldn't return there, so I didn't return to A CHURCH until many years later when some friends of mine encouraged me to attend church with them.  It was a Baptist church.  Wow!  That was way different.  It was like culture shock.  It was surreal to go from little old ladies singing hymns in high pitched, terrible voices that only dogs can hear to an entire congregation singing contemporary Christian hits from the radio with their hands raised in the air as they are swaying back and forth really feeling the music.  The pastor was an incredibly dynamic speaker.  He was able to hold my attention throughout his entire sermon and I walked away with something, many somethings actually.  I went to this church for 4 years.  I met one of my very best friends, Meliska, at this church.

I had my struggles there, however.  I don't choose to get into all of them because I don't want this post to take you 100 years to read.

Bottom line - I never joined the church.  In part because of the issues and also because I did not want to become a religion hopper - someone who keeps changing religions.  I wanted to join a church once I was basically sure what religion I wanted to be "when I grew up."  I wasn't entirely convinced the Baptist "label" was the one for me, so I remained content with just attenting church...and then eventually Sunday school in addition to church...for quite some time.

One Sunday, we had a guest Sunday school teacher.  He happened to be one of our classmates, actually.  He decided to do a comparison between the Baptist faith and another, unnamed faith.  He was clearly Catholic bashing.  I was offended.  Having been raised Catholic, having parents and many extended family members who are Catholic, and having Catholic friends, I was angered at the very notion of what he was insinuating.  What, pray tell, makes any one faith supreme to another?  Who, pray tell gives any one faith righteousness over another?  It was obnoxious and it took everything in me not to hold this against that Sunday school class and that church.  BUT, it was in the back of my mind.  I guess I had matured since my college days when I walked away from a church over less, eh?  For the record, a comparison of faiths can be done in an unbiased manner.  While in high school, I attended church for a while with my friend Stephanie.  She grew up Lutheran.  Her Sunday school class was studying other religions and even went to go visit some of the churches.  I never once got the impression that the message was loud and clear GO LUTHERAN and/or BAD {INSERT ANOTHER RELIGION HERE}.  It was done properly.

THEN...there was him.

I dated someone who I felt tried to use God against me.  He attended church once, if not twice a week (not my church).  He would pray before each and every meal.  He would read his Bible daily.  He could quote the Bible like any pastor.  He listened to Christian music and watched Christian television programming.  He was also a nightmare.  I don't care to get into specifics in this post, but to put it simply, he was one giant contradiction.  It was confusing, to say the least.  Throughout my entire ordeal with him, I never lost sight of God, mind you.   I lost respect for religion.

My life became a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks.  My emotions were out of control.  I was a mess.  I didn't feel comfortable going to church anymore.  I felt like the very idea of church was...hypocritical, if that makes any sense.  I blamed church and religion because he abused it and me.

So where am I now?  I've gone to a few churches a few times here and there.  I haven't found another church that I like, though.  I've considered going back to that same one I attended for 4 years as I did love the music and the Pastor.  I wonder, though, if I would be doing that for comfort sake and maybe I need to step out of my comfort zone and really seek out a true church home - one that I could someday raise a family in.  I guess you could say I've been feeling a calling to do so, so it shall be done soon.

To wrap it up...I am a Christian.  I'm a fairly private pursuer of my faith.  I do not trust self righteous people.

Day 03 - Drugs & Alcohol

Just a little update...I've taken the plunge and I'm doing THE CHALLENGE, the 30 Day Challenge, that is.  I'm on Day 03 right now.

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I have some strong opinions on half of this subject matter.  Let's get started, shall we?

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Drugs - Call me a dork, if you'd like, but I belonged to an anti-drug group in high school.  We went out to the Elementary schools to talk to them about "just sayin' no".  In college, I found a similar group and did the same thing.  It's always been important to me to spread that kind of message to the young and impressionable.

Here's my two cents on the subject matter:  unless we are speaking of prescription or over-the-counter drugs, they are illegal.  I can honestly say I have never partaken in any illegal drugs.  That being said, I do not judge those who HAVE (notice the past tense).  I understand that there is a lot of peer pressure out there.  I understand that people make mistakes.  What I don't understand is people who are old enough to know better and still choose that route.  How does one tell their children not to do drugs when they are using?  I get annoyed with the whole yuppy "I can be successful and still smoke pot" mentality.  What's the point?  Oh...and it smells icky.

Prior to starting my freshman year in college, I had the opportunity to take some exams to receive college credit.  One of those exams was a written essay.  There were multiple topics handed out randomly throughout the classroom.  I received "should drugs be legalized?".  This was easy for me to discuss.  I understand some people feel like this would help our economy - court costs would be decreased, law enforcement resources could be focused elsewhere, jobs could be created.  I also understand that laws would have to be created like age limits and whatnot.  How many kids under the age of 21 currently drink?  Exactly.  It would be worse.  For the record, I tested out of Freshman English.

Okay, I will get off my soap box and move on...

Alcohol - I have gone through my wild days.  Fortunately, I mostly waited until I was 21, but that's because I was/am a mcwimpy and was always afraid of getting busted.  I've had moments of drunkenness.  I've had good times.

She drinks a whiskey drink, she drinks a vodka drink
She drinks a Lager drink, she drinks a cider drink
She sings the songs that remind her of the good times
She sings the songs that remind her of the best times

I've had bad times, too, though.   

Back at the end of '08 to the first third of '09, I went through a VERY bad phase.  I found myself drinking more and crying often.  I used to at least be a happy drinker.  I somehow became sad and pathetic.  I took myself off of drinking for several months.  My thought process was "I used to drink and laugh and now I drink and cry.  Until I can learn to laugh again, I just won't drink."  I worked on me.  There was a lot to work on.  It took a while, but eventually I crawled out of the hole.  Now I enjoy the occasional adult beverage.  When I do, it is done so in the spirit of laughter.  No more tears in a beer for this girl!

So there you have my thoughts on the matters at hand.
illegal drugs = not cool; alcohol in moderation (or when you don't have to drive) = cool

feelin' hot, hot, hot

...not what you think
like at all...

At the end of last year, I listed my goal of running 4 half marathons.  Yes, 4.

I've since upped it to 6.  Yes, 6.

My parents think me nuts.  I prolly am, but not for this.

Many of you agree, but there are those out there who do these things like once a month.  So, when you compare my measley 6 to...say 12, well I'm not so hands-in-the-air-like-I-just-don't-care cRaZy, now am I?!

What if I were to add one more? 

What if that one more were...um...say in August...in the Texas hellish heat?

Then would it be safe to say I've gone completely loony-toony?

Here's my thought process on the matter.  I have 3 half marys within 5 weeks -  all of which will be completed by 9:30am (PST) May 1st.  My next one isn't until October 9th (which I totally officially registered for on Tuesday - yay!).  That means I will go 6 months without one.  6 WHOLE MONTHS.  I'm pretty sure medals keep me motivated.  6 months of Texas hellish heat...and let's not forget HUMIDITY...without a medal dangling in the distance will make it really hard to stay motivated to keep that mileage rollin', don't ya think?  Yes, I do.

So, I did a wee bit of research and found The Hottest Half  in Dallas on 8/14.  They only promise that "it will be hot" and that I "will survive".  Hmmmph...well...it will be hot in Houston and I will survive it as I'm putting in my long run that weekend, so why not visit some friends in the Dallas area and get a medal while doing so?

I mentioned this race to my buddy Melissa a couple of months ago when I first found it during my research.  We chuckled at the very notion of it.  BUT...it remained lurking in the back of our minds.  Could we?  Should we?  Melissa (clearly the crazier of the two of us) brought it back up to me when we did our 10K this past weekend.  Now it's all I think about (slight exaggeration).

I mean they do promise I will survive it...they wouldn't lie, right?!


That Pink Girl is considering this race, too, for what it's worth and we all know she is perfectly sane. 

What are YOUR thoughts on the matter?

Do I make like NIKE and "Just do it"?

What would you do?

Day 02 - In 10 Years...

In case you are not in the know, I've decided to do a 30 Day Challenge, only it won't be completed in 30 days cuz I roll down a path less traveled, yo.

I am currently on Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years.

Do you think this question would be easier answered if you were already married and/or if you had all the children you planned on having?  yes? no? maybe so?

I remember back about 9 years ago or so one of my employees asked me where I saw myself in 10 years.  I told him it was impossible to answer as I had no way of knowing if I would be single or married, if I would be childless or a mother.  He said it shouldn't matter and I begged to differ.  Hindsight being 20/20, he was right.  It shouldn't have mattered.  One can come up with a 10 year dream-self regardless of one's circumstances.  I was just a kid then and didn't know better.

The only fair way to answer this is to break up the idea of 10 years into different categories.

Love Life - Please God let me be happily married in 10 years time.

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Children - Assuming I am married, please let me be a mother to at least one child (but preferably three)

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Home - In 7 years, my first and only house will be paid off.  I kinda hope to be in a new home in 10 years time.  It doesn't have to be new-new, just new to me (the custom built one I've been designing in my head for years would be AMAZING, though...).  Of course, if I'm not married, it wouldn't make sense and I would be perfectly content staying in my then paid-off home.

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Work - Let's face it, if you know me at all and my work situation, you know that I'm not going anywhere.  I would just hope to have even more responsibility and to continue to grow in my skills/confidence/leadership and to better tame the beast that sometimes rears her ugly head.

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Health - I will still be on the right path of living a healthy life in mind, body, and spirit.  My diet will still follow the guidelines of The South Beach diet.  I will still maintain an active lifestyle - focusing on cross training and running.  Hopefully I will have multiple marathons under my belt.  I better be maintaining my goal weight!!!!

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Friendship - I will have maintained my supremely fantastical friendships while hopefully making some new lasting ones.

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The outlook is good for a happy, healthy 10 years into the future, y'all.

How's yours?

Fake Birthday

In my family, we have a tendency to celebrate fake birthdays.  That is...we celebrate someone's real birthday just not on the right date...cuz...you know...more often than not one's birthday doesn't fall on a convenient day.

My birthday actually isn't until Friday, so naturally we would have celebrated it on the following Saturday, but we thought my mom was going to have to go out of town.  We made plans to celebrate my birthday this past Saturday night instead.  Now, as it turns out, my mom isn't going out of town, but...well...plans were already made.

I didn't mind, though.  Since I'm a mid-March birthday, I've always managed to celebrate for an entire week as my birthday has always fallen during Spring break.  I'm pretty clever to use it to my advantage that way.  Just because I've been out of school for um...a few years now doesn't mean things should change in that area, now do they?!  I think not.

I mentioned to my dad a few months ago that I have a love for the souffle.  It's one of my favorite desserts, actually.  I believe I had my first one, a chocolate souffle, at a restaurant called Neros in Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas during one of our Thanksgiving trips many moons ago.  Such airy delightfulness.  Mmmmmm.  Most recently, I had the pleasure of consuming a Grand Marnier souffle when I went on a cruise two years ago.  My taste buds didn't get to experience much happiness during that trip as I got incredibly sick with strep throat and bronchitis while on-board, but I do remember that dessert with fondness.  Ah, but I digress.  shocker.  So anyway, my dad told me I needed to go to Tony's someday as they are known for their souffles and they have many, many different flavors.  I must know more of this Tony's he speaks of!  I asked if we could go for a special occasion...say perhaps my birthday?  He said it was a bit too pricey.  =(

A couple of weeks ago, my dad had a change of heart.  He informed me that he decided we could go to Tony's.  Oh dear heavens...all I cared about was that I was going to get souffle!

We dressed up in our nicest attire - we all looked stunning, I must say - and we headed over to the restaurant.  It's valet only, don't you know?!  I decided to be bold and daring and order the wild boar tenderloin as my main course.  Over half my family thought I was nuts, but it was yummy, so I felt validated.  I started my meal with a delicacy I normally wouldn't order because of the calories and fat content, but...well...it was my fake birthday.  Oh how do I love lobster bisque?  Let me count the ways.  This was the best lobster bisque I have ever eaten, by the way.  rich creamy loveliness.

We decided to order two souffles for the table - I didn't mention the souffles at Tony's are HUGE - and serve 4 people a piece!  My mom got to pick out one flavor - bananas foster - and I got to pick out the other flavor - while chocolate Grand Marnier.

Since my dad had mentioned it was my birthday, our server brought out a special plate for me.  So sweet.

After they served us all a piece of each flavor, two servers walked around with sauce toppers for each souffle.  For the bananas foster souffle, we had a caramel sauce with bananas.  For the white chocolate Grand Marnier souffle, we had a white chocolate sauce and a Grand Marnier infused whipped cream.  They did not disappoint, each bite was a bite of heaven.

Then, the awesome Tony's staff brought me out a martini glass filled with pink cotton candy for my birthday.  How funny is it that such an expensive restaurant would serve cotton candy?!  love it!

As we left, the hostess handed each of us a bag of delicious biscotti.

We then went back to my parent's house for presents.  I did not get all my parents, so all the more reason to keep extending the ol' birthday (well that and my real birthday hasn't happened yet - ha!).  I got some new pillows for my bed, a subscription renewal to Runner's World, new pajamas, a car mount for my cell phone for when I'm using the Navigation function, and the matching trash can and tissue holder for the bathroom accessories I got for Christmas.

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So far, I'm having quite the birthday week!  Maybe...ahem...34 isn't going to be so bad, after all!  =D

Kim Versus the 10K: Bayou City Classic

This is my first repeat race EVER and it will be only one of two repeat races that I have scheduled for the year (though, of course, I reserve the right to add to that list as the year progresses).  

I had two goals for The Bayou City Classic.

1)  PR  (last year's time was 1:26:38)

2)  Run the entire distance, walking only through the water stations

I did have one friend to run this race with me - Melissa - who, consequently, ran this race with me last year, as well.  I love knowing at least one other person running a race.  It doesn't matter to me how much faster they are - it's just nice knowing someone else is experiencing the same conditions and that there is a natural built-in support, you know?!

I wish I could say I prepped all week long for this race like a true champion, but sadly...I'd be lying.  My diet plan was practically non-existent.  I have a bit of insight into my psyche as to why that occurred, though, and I'm working on it so that I can get back on the right track and stay there.  My running plan didn't happen.  A little birdie barely managed to convince me to hit some minor mileage on Thursday night, but other than that I hadn't done anything since last Saturday's 9-miler.  My hydration plan was lacking. I finally got the water thing down on Friday, but that's not saying much when I had caused such a deficit in my system.  =/

Enough about my downfalls...onto the recap:

Saturday morning, Melissa and I agreed to meet at my work so we could drive together to the race.  We got there VERY early so that we wouldn't have to deal with road closures and all that jazz.  It was quite windy, though not really cold.  We met up with a couple of her friends and started the race just after 8.  My legs felt kind of heavy right from the start.  I had some defeatist thoughts come through my head.  I fought them.  For the first mile, we navigated down town and then we hit Memorial Parkway.  I really don't know how they get away with calling the course "flat and fast" because Memorial Parkway is anything but flat.  I had forgotten this from last year.  =/  I thought about walking up the hills, but then I reminded myself that wasn't what I had set out to do (see goal #2), so I just pumped my arms and carried onward.  

There were water stations set-up every 1.5 miles.  Initially I had considered skipping the first and third, but since the sun was beating down on us pretty brutally and I could feel the salt caked on my face, I knew I needed to hydrate, so I did walk through all of the water stations.  I was happy when I finished drinking my water just past mile 3 and I heard Melissa and her friend shout my name from across the median as they were approaching mile 4 on the opposite side of Memorial Parkway.

I started getting a bit discouraged as I hit the 5th mile marker and realized I was going to be cutting it SUPER close to last year's time.  I knew there was one last big hill to conquer and I thought about giving up and just walking the rest of the race - see...total defeatist.  I didn't register for this race to give-up on it, though.  I pumped my arms hard up that hill.  I rounded the corner and saw the 6th mile marker.  I looked at my watch and knew I had to high-tail it to have a hope of PRing.  I sprinted my heart out.  It worked.

I look like a VERY serious runner here.

Official Time:  1:25:50 (48 seconds faster than last year)

Finishing Song:  Dead and Gone - TI featuring Justin Timberlake

Melissa and her buddies were there to cheer me on as I crossed the finish line - awesome!  I then consumed massive amounts of water and we got our finisher's t-shirts.  Then came the swag.  Wowsers - check out the loot I got!

Yeah, buddy - I got 3 packs of Shot Bloks, a 5-hour Energy, and many Clif's bars.  Sweet!

All in all, a good race, a positive experience, and I was quite proud to say I accomplished both of my goals - a PR and I ran the whole thing, only walking through the water stations.

Lessons learned:  eat right, stick to running/training schedule, and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate as my actions for the week will affect my performance!