Day 10 - First Kiss / First Love

Just whipping through the list of my 30 Day Challenge...


Day 10 - Discuss your fist love and your first kiss

As I mentioned in my 30 Interesting Facts post (Day 06), I was 22 when I had my first kiss.  That was a bit late in life, eh?  Having been a late-lifer in that area, I wish I could say there was some great romantical story to go along with that kiss, but...eh...not so much.  I met JonathAn...or was it JonathOn (roommate and friend Laura questioned him at the time and I honestly don't recall his answer) on a Friday night maybe sometime in March of my senior year.  He was the 24 year old older brother of one of our neighbors visiting for the weekend.  Laura's boyfriend at the time lived in Houston and arrived pretty late to come up and visit for the weekend.  I had hostessed a dinner party earlier in the evening, serving lasagna, but I didn't use enough sauce.  I made some extra for the side, but sadly the extra sauce was depleted by the time Brian arrived.  I did what I always have done - played defense so that I wouldn't be offended.  This means I went ahead and apologized while serving Brian for the dry lasagna.  Once he was done eating it, he thanked me and said, "you were right."  I said, "huh?"  He answered, "it was a bit dry."  JERK.  That was unnecessary and it hurt my feelings.  I went outside to pout and there entered Jonathan.  He asked for a piece of the infamous lasagna and told me it was perfect.  The next night I may or may not have consumed WAY too much alcohol when a group of us went out to a nearby bar.  No worries, Brian was our designated driver.  After we left the bar, we went to Walmart to get ice cream.  I brought Jonathan some ice cream (apparently I liked to feed him) and one thing lead to another and I totally made out with him.  First kiss.

and that had to hold me over until my second kiss which wasn't until 7 years later with the guy who became my first love....

Did you read my Religion post (Day 04)?  If so, I mentioned this bad news bear.

Basically, I was a 29 year old girl who had the experience of a 16 year old girl (or younger).  By that time, I was desperate to fall in love and I was quick to do so without regard for my own well-being.  Warning signs were ignored not because I didn't see them or because I was ignorant or even because I didn't know better, but rather because I excused them away and somehow made them okay.  I needed the things he did or said to be okay because I needed him.  or...at least I thought I did.  So many times I told myself to walk away (I should have run), but I couldn't.  He was my drug.  I was on a daily emotional roller coaster with him - anxiety and depression flooding my very being.  I craved the sweet side of him and whenever I caught a glimpse of that guy, it held me over through the mean and ugly side of him (which definitely occurred more often).  He was a Dr. Jeckyl / Mr. Hyde and as our relationship progressed, so did his mood swings.

I kept a journal of sorts while dating him.  I finally deleted the journal last week (see here).  This was 3+ years after the relationship ended one of the worst ways a relationship can possibly end.  I liked to torture myself periodically by reading the entries of this journal and seeing how pathetic I was for nearly 2 years of my life.  I decided to forgive myself last week and move on.  I cannot change the past, but I can learn from it.  It was an abusive relationship that forced me to learn an emotionally expensive lesson.  First love.

Day 09: Future

and the 30 day challenge continues...


Day 09:  How you hope your future will be like

Since we learned I have had (past tense) a tendency to wish away my today for a perceivably better tomorrow (Day 08 - Satisfaction), I soooo already have my future planned out, don't ya know!

Can I just say my hope is that my future is HAPPY and call it a day?

probably not, huh?  tough crowd.

I have ideas in my head that are just screaming to be put to paper for a custom built home.  I get ideas from tv shows or other people's houses and I store them away for future reference.

I have planned my wedding/reception, for the most part.  I'm talking colors, songs, guest list, readings, etc.  Still hanging onto the hope that I will someday get married.

I have names picked out for my future children.  I would like to have 3, though my biological clock may be ticking a bit too fast for that to happen.  I have a girl list and a boy list all complete with middle names and meanings.

So, to sum it up for you, I hope my future happy self is married with kiddos living in a custom built home.  Did I mention happy?  I won't settle for less.

Day 08 - Satisfaction

It's been a while since I've written a post for my 30-day Challenge, so here goes...

Day 08 - A moment you felt most satisfied with your life.

The sad thing is that I'm never really satisfied.  I believe I have discussed before how in my younger days I wished away the "here and now" for future days.  While in junior high, for example, I couldn't wait to be in high school.  It's like I had some vision of things being so much better in just a few more years.  It wasn't even that things were bad...I just wasn't who I wanted to be and I had no idea how to become her.  This was the trend in high school and again in college.  Next thing I knew, BAM - I was in the real world and completely clueless about everything. 

Though my heart and smile are still the same, I've wisened up a bit.  I've toughened up a bit, as well.  I'm also still always left...wanting...for lack of a better word.

Does any of this make sense?

I've lost a lot of weight, but I still have a lot left to lose.  Instead of being proud of what I have accomplished, I focus on what I have yet to accomplish.

I've run races - half marathons even - instead of glorifying in the moments post-race, I think what I could have / should have done differently and how I will do better next time.  I'm always thinking of next time before I even have a chance to recover from this time.

For a girl who prides herself on wandering through this world sipping from a rose colored half full glass, I sure am sounding like a negative-Nelly. 

This isn't the girl I want to call me.  I want to take time to relish in the joy of discovering new things and of living in the moment.  I want to celebrate the little things because they matter.  I need to feel satisfaction in the here and now, so that I can have a satisfying tomorrow.

It all starts today.  A new day, a fresh start.

Kim Versus the Half Marathon: Dallas Rock 'n' Roll

I woke up at 4:30am, having only gone to bed 5 1/2 hours earlier.  ugh.  At least I was able to get in 8 hours the night before!  I had hydrated my heart out all week long and gave myself one last opportunity Sunday morning with a Nuun tablet in my water and some oatmeal as breakfast.  I left my friend Julie's house in Fort Worth at 5:40 to go pick up Melissa at her hotel.  At 6:30 and we were off to The Finish Line as we were instructed to park there.

The highway was jacked up, yo.  What should have taken us 30 minutes to achieve, took us well over an hour.  We weren't alone in this, so we weren't panicking about missing the race or anything, but it left a sour taste in our mouths prior to starting.  Rachel was ahead of us somewhere - we never were able to meet up with her.  Once we finally parked, I had to stop at the porta-potties - it was like a desperate situation as in there may or may not have been dancing going on to avoid an unfortunate incident.  We then finally made it onto the shuttle bus and arrived somewhat near the starting line around 8:15ish (for the 8:00 race).  We made one more pitstop at the porta-potties and then walked up to the 15th corral just as it was walking towards the start line.  Yes, it was like that.  I guess in a way it was a good thing we didn't have to do a whole lot of standing around as it was 51 degrees at the start.  Brrrrr....

I felt great from the get-go.  I had a huge smile on my face and I was just trying to absorb stuff - you know...trying to be a good blogger and whatnot!  I have to say the cool air was welcomed, especially after Saturday's beautiful but scorching upper 80s.  Around 1.7 miles, I was approaching the 2nd band and they started playing a new song - I felt like it was just for me as it was one of my all time favorites - Brown Eyed Girl.  I could just imagine my friend Laura and I squealing "We are brown-eyed girls" as we used to do in college.  another smile.  Shortly thereafter I hit mile 2 and got slapped in the face with a very steep hill.  I tried to run up it, but then realized halfway up it that I was killing my energy, so I got smart and walked the rest of it.  Once it was behind me, I began running again.  I saw some people (in tutus) dart across the road in front of me because they wanted to take a picture of some spectators.  I looked and sure enough - it was my caped crusader friend, That Pink Girl (only she was now Pink Gurl) and some of her super hero super star spectator friends!  I, too, darted across the road (only after looking both ways first since this was not a blocked street).  It was around 2.5 miles or so and I was so happy to see them.  I hugged TPG and got a picture with her and carried on.  another smile.  3 came pretty fast, then the 5K mark.  Started having some stomach issues and needed to find a bathroom STAT which brought mile 4 on pretty quickly.  There was a line and I knew I couldn't wait until the next set of bathrooms, so I was forced to wait in the line.  The entire process took me 6 minutes.  not smiling anymore.

I resumed running - more hills.  I started getting that all too familiar pang in my right side, then in my left.  The side stitches were returning.  When this happened during my training runs, I called it quits.  I couldn't do that here.  I made it to about mile 5 and then I decided to walk for a bit.  We were in an area called Highland Village.  If you are from Houston, I would liken it to River Oaks.  Beautiful older LARGE homes with amazing landscaping lining the streets.  Such a pretty picture, so serene.  I often joke that I run slower than most people walk.  Well during this time, I was walking faster than I run.  smiling resumed.  The winding through this area ended around 6.5 miles and I began running again.  Side stitches were very much still an issue.

I saw TPG (she took my pic as I approached) and her gang around mile 7.5 and they were such a welcomed sight.  I complained about my problem.  TPG said she would walk with me for a bit and explained to me that I'm breathing too shallow and need to take deeper breaths.  She also had me put my arms above my head to help with this.  We parted ways with a promise to see each other at the finish line and I resumed running.  My sides felt a bit better.  smiling and running.
I hit mile 8 and there was a female police officer that made me chuckle.  She was encouraging us to keep on going and telling us we were doing a great job.  She then added that what we were doing "is not considered normal behavior."  So funny.  smile returned.

I hit mile 9 and I started to feel the twinge of pain in my calves - charlie horses were coming to attack.  I tried to fight them off, but I was forced to return to walking as they were less painful that way.  Intermittently I tried to jog here and there.  By mile 10, my calves were screaming.  Whenever I tried to run, my toes curled and forced my feet to sort of buckle inward.  It was a very weird feeling.  At 10.5, I couldn't take it anymore, so I pulled over and stretched my calves using the curb.  I then tried running and made it about a quarter of a mile before they started screaming again, walking resumed.  so not smiling, like not in the slightest.

At mile 11, there was another band playing another favorite song of mine - Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" (Ahhh....Glee).  I wasn't going to give up on my PR - I had it, I knew I had it...I just had to keep trucking along no matter what!

At mile 12, I desperately wanted to finish out the race running.  I tried and failed.  About a quarter of a mile before the finish line, TPG jumped out from the sidelines and came to my rescue.  She said encouraging, beautiful words, and ran with me until we hit the 13 mile marker.  She sent me on my way to finish and I ran out the remainder with a big smile on my face.  I crossed the finish line with tears in my eyes.

I was emotional because I came back from an injury (pelvic stress fracture) and PRd - despite it being a tough race with lots of pain.  I was emotional because there was one amazing friend who ran with me and encouraged me and then when I crossed the finish line, there was another who had finished almost 45 minutes before me ready to give me a hug.  I was emotional because I hurt..

After getting my bottle of water and medal and hugging Melissa, we went to get a banana, a Snickers Marathon bar, and a bottle of Cytomax and then we went to go find TPG.  We got some pictures and then we headed out.  My calves were screaming so badly, I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to drive. Shockingly, once I got out of my shoes and into my flip-flops, they started being a little nicer to me.

Melissa and me:  Half Marathon finishers!

Pink Gurl and me (she's my fave super hero)

Melissa and I went back to her hotel to shower and change and then we went with her boyfriend, David, to eat at Chuy's (we were FAMISHED) before heading back in our respective cars to Houston.

Official Time:  3:18:03 (a PR of over 6 1/2 minutes)
Finishing Song:  "Rock Star" by Nickelback  (kinda fitting for a Rock 'n' Roll race, eh?)

Next stop:  Tomball's 5K Bunny Run on April 9th (totally feeling a PR for this race)

On a side note - I need to do some research on these charlies horses.  I used to think they were as a result of improper hydration, but that cannot be the case as I consumed mass quantities of water and Nuun all week long.  I wonder now if my issue is from losing too much salt.  I am a VERY sweaty girl when I run.  Perhaps I need to start carrying salt tablets or green olives?  ha!  Anyone else out there suffer from this?  Tips appreciated!

a glimpse at my week

Well, first of all I've been drinking water like it's my job.  true story.  Went out to do my 10-miler on Sunday and let's just say it didn't end up being 10 miles.  Someone was dehydrated.  someone never learns.  So, the cup and I have become one.

my new camera!

Last week I received a call inquiring as to whether or not I wanted to participate in a focus group.  Hmmm...I'm all about helping my fellow marketers...I mean Marketing was my major in college and all that jazz, but what was in it for me?  Oh...$100, well okay.  So on Monday, I headed over to the Galleria area for a 2 hour focus group regarding the purchase of my mattress.  They fed me dinner.  I had a few laughs with the other focus group panel members.  They sent me on my way with $100.  So guess who had some extra cash to apply to her new camera fund?  This girl!  If you are wondering what happened to my former camera, see here.

Tuesday I decided to get all wild and cRaZy and sign up for Beach Palooza.  That Rachel - I'm telling you - she sure does some whackadoo things (like The Warrior Dash this past weekend) and this time I decided to jump on her band wagon.  Beach Palooza is a 5K obstacle course taking place in Galveston on September 24th.  If you are interested, register by March 29th to get the lower price of $35.  You get a t-shirt, a pineapple hat (who doesn't need one of those?) and a finisher's medal.  We all know how I feel about medals!  This could be a really fun bloggy meet-up...*hint, hint*

Wednesday I cooked dinner for a fella.  We ate my buffalo chicken and watched some tv.  It was his first time to meet my monsters.  They were shockingly on their best behavior.  Penelope pulled a rag toy out of the toy bin for him to throw for her so they could play fetch.  In case you are just tuning in, Penelope is blind.  I don't know what got into her, but this wasn't the first time.  A few months ago, she pulled the same stunt when LaShaune came over for the first time after we went to see a play.  My weird little wonder-pup.

Oh and I finalized my outfit for my half marathon that is this Sunday - the Dallas RnR.  *gulp*  I'm not ready for it.  Someone (me) has allowed her A.D.D. to kick in and distractions have led me astray from my training.  Ah well...I'm gonna go out there and do my best and then kick my A.D.D. to the curb for the next two I have lined up in rapid succession.  I shall wear a white Nike dri-fit tank, black Nike capris, and a pink Nike hat (the pink hat is in honor of my good friend That Pink Girl who is coming on out to cheer me on).

Last, but not least, I decided it was time for me to leave some emotional crap behind me, so I deleted about 200 emails (a journal of sorts) which I had saved in a special file.  These emails spanned across a very painful 2 years for me.  I had been torturing myself lately by reading them and felt it healthy to "destroy" them.  We can't change the past, that is for sure.  It is true we can learn from it, but beating our selves up over it never did anyone any good.  I feel a bit cleansed.

Tonight I head to Fort Worth. 

How's your week going, my little gumdrops?

Day 07 - Hey, what's your sign?

source here

Day 07 - Your Zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Well...I am a Pisces.  Maybe I don't like to eat fish because I'm not into cannibalism.  It's all so clear now...

I decided the best place to find out information about "my kind" would be http://www.pisces.com/.

PISCES - February 19 - March 20

 Pisces is the 12th sign of the Zodiac and is represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions. The two fish symbolize the internal struggle of the soul within a Pisces. 

Pisces is considered a feminine or negative sign. Feminine signs are considered more passive, receptive and sensitive than masculine/positive signs.

Pisces are sensitive, humane and often idealistic. (Pisces) react emotionally to everything making them compassionate and sensitive to those around them.

Being able to read and react to situations makes Pisces one of the most adaptive signs in the Zodiac. They are very intuitive and as a result can be flexible and prosper in many different situations. The intuitive nature of Pisces also makes them a very creative and imaginative sign. 

I don't know about all that business, but what I will say is that I am loyal, flexible (though stubborn, which I imagine sounds contradictory), somewhat creative when given the license to be so/do so, and I'm definitely reactive.  ha!

Those of you who know me in real life would have to attest to whether or not the Pisces label suits my personality.  Interestingly enough, when the powers that be decided to change up the Zodiac, my sign remained unchanged, so I am one with the Pisces forevermore.

my birthday: a tale of happy mixed with a bit of woe

I'm a little upset about something.  Well...okay, a lot upset about something.  I have been making an effort to take more pictures of my life.  It doesn't come naturally.  We weren't raised this way.  Sure, sure...there are pictures here and there, but then I have some friends who are so good at capturing the moments of life and it makes me super jealous that they just know what to do and when to do it.

I bring my camera with me everywhere I go just in case I remember to whip it out on a whim.  Rarely do I purposely plan in advance for its use (bad blogger).  I had it with me on Friday night, my birthday, for the friend celebration (remember how I celebrated my fake birthday with family a week ago?).  I decided to do the same thing I did last year - a dinner gathering at Los Cucos.  This year was a bit different as I actually had a date.  =D  Older sister Cathy surprised me by bringing a turtle cake from Rao's, so I had her take a picture of that.  Then I took some pics of my party peeps.  I handed off my camera to others to take pictures of the people I couldn't get, including me with my date (the first picture of us).  I must have forgotten to put my camera back in its rightful place in my purse once it was handed back to me because the next day I noticed it was missing.

After family lunch at Red Robin on Saturday, I went over to Los Cucos to inquire as to whether or not they had found it.  Nope - no one had seen it.  Hmmm...me thinks there is a thief amongst them.

So...now I am sad.

I did manage to download a couple of pics on Friday at work before I left for the day.  I must have had a 6th sense that my camera was going to disappear.

This is a picture of the cake my mom ordered from R.J. Goodies and brought to work for me.  My dudes at work think every 3rd Friday of the month should be cake and ice cream day, by the way.

This is a picture of the red roses that were delivered to me.  They were completely unexpected, so very beautiful, and most appreciated.  ;)

My parents took me to lunch, I was able to unite some of my friends and some of my siblings (brother Eddie and sister-in-law April not in attendance since they live in Los Angeles) for my dinner, and I got some MORE really great presents!  I was gifted with a lot of great books, so I best get to reading!!!  I also got the earphones I wanted - I put them to the test on Sunday and loved them!  yay!

Despite the camera incident AND the fact I had to work on my birthday, it was a wonderful day!

I have thought about going to local pawn shops and asking if they have the camera that fits my battery charger and picture uploader.  Wouldn't it be cool to turn this into a Cinderella story of sorts?  They can have it back as soon as I get my pics.  *sigh*