you win some, you lose some...you pay for some

Well, I didn't win the "lottery".  I started getting tweets from some tweeps on Sunday afternoon who I knew had signed up for the lottery for the Houston Chevron Marathon wanting to know if I, too, had received an emailed receipt.  I knew it wasn't a good sign that I hadn't...I had that sinking sensation.  Everyone told me to keep the faith...keep the hope, but I already knew. 

It was confirmed later that evening when I noticed my status was "not selected" on the website and then I tweeted the Houston Chevron Marathon to find out if that was their final answer and it was, in deed.  Consequently, I got the official email Monday morning.

The funny thing is that I had picked my back-up marathon (Rock 'n' Roll Mardi Gras) not really thinking I would need to actually use it.  The thought never really occured to me that I wouldn't get picked.  I just picked the back-up because it seemed like the thing to do and researching races is...well...kinda fun (yes, I'm a dork). 

I felt defeated, at first. It would have been amazing to do my first marathon with home court advantage which meant automatic family and friend support and the ability to crawl into my own bed and die afterwards.  These were not the cards I was dealt, however, and so it was not meant to be...OR WAS IT?

I am sure you notice I blog a lot about one of my best friends, Melissa (sometimes I call her Meliska).  She is the main reason I decided to start my so called running adventure.  She is also the one who strongly encouraged me to blog.  Through blogging, I have made some friends - wonderful ladies who though I've never met face-to-face, I feel like I've known them for years.  They inspire me and I admire them.  That was also one of the things that made not being selected for Houston so difficult - two of my blogger friends (Allie and That Pink Girl) were selected.  Another thing that made not getting selected so difficult for me was that another friend of mine, a different Melissa who will be embarking on her first marathon, as well, was selected.  We had both decided on the same back-up marathon, so it really hurt my feelings knowing I would have to run our back-up marathon all by myself.  To be honest, it caused me great distress.

I tried to flip it for the positive.  The Rock 'n' Roll Mardi Gras gave me two more weeks to prepare and one more hour to run it.  This wasn't enough to lift me up knowing that the likelihood of having friends and family present to support me as I set forth to do the most physically and mentally challenging event of my life is slim to none.  Well, Laura, a college friend, Facebooked me several times about not giving up and writing the Chevron Marathon with my story asking for them to consider an exception (this got me thinking).  Then, Allie, one of my Blogger buddies emailed me telling me not to give up and to consider the "Heroes" option for guaranteed registration (this had me taking action).  I went onto the Chevron Marathon website to the Run for a Reason page and found out that for a $350 donation to a charity of my choice (of many listed on the site) plus the registration fee, I could get a guaranteed slot into the marathon.  I went to talk to my dad and he asked me if it would mean more to me to know that I could definitely finish in the allotted time frame (RnR Mardi Gras) or to have the family and friend support (Houston).  I told him I sincerely felt that the family and friend support could see me through the 6 hour time limit.  My dad then said that he and my mom would donate $350 to NAM (Northwest Assistance Ministries - this is the charity that the running group I'm training with supports) for me as long as I promise him I will raise some funds on my own to also donate to NAM.  Deal!  I went on-line and I am now officially a "Hero" registrant for the Houston Chevron Marathon.

Initially I wondered if I went against "what was meant to be" by bypassing the system, but then I figured the people who encouraged me to find a way were placed in my life for a reason and the "Hero" option was also employed for a reason.  I think a person can drive themselves nuts thinking/rethinking every action/reaction.  Bottom line is that I am bound and determined to run my first marathon in the early part of 2011 and it needs to be with the physical presence of my family and friends.  I know what it felt like for me to round a corner and see my aunt and cousins while I was in Chicago running my half - it was so encouraging - enough to bring a smile to my face and tears in my eyes because I felt loved.  I'm gonna need that - especially for 26.2 miles (eeek)!  Besides...who would be there to give me my Powerade Zero in New Orleans???