Penelope

I noticed on Wednesday or Thursday that Penelope's "good eye", her right eye, was red around the edges. This concerned me because that was how the rapid decline of her left eye began in early September of last year. The red wasn't quite as ferocious, so I was praying it was allergies.

On Easter Sunday, I returned to my house after celebrating at my parent's home and Penelope's eye just didn't look right. I called my mom and started crying. She offered for me to bring over my babies and come spend the night, but I declined. We agreed I should call Eye Care for Animals in the morning to make an appointment.

On Monday morning, I thought Penelope had lost her eyesight all together. I went to give her a treat and she appeared to sniff it out instead of seeing it to take it from my hand. All I could think about was how I was going to end up with a blind dog on my hands and whether or not that was fair to Penelope. I cried all morning long, not knowing what I was supposed to do. Is it selfish to put her through another surgery and let her live a sightless life so that I don't lose my one true love? She is only 9. If you recall, I just posted a birthday blog for her back on February 5th. She is so full of energy and spunk. Just on Thursday, we went for a family dog walk and Penelope did this full charge ahead run because she was ready to Go, Dog Go! It would be one thing if she was sickly, but this is not the case.

Throughout the day on Monday, everytime I thought about making a decision regarding Penelope's life, I just broke down and cried. My mom works at a women's abuse crisis center on Mondays. She was telling one of her co-workers about Penelope and her co-worker, Bertha, told my mom to have me call her and she would reassure me that Penelope could live a fulfilled life being blind. Later that afternoon, I called Bertha and she told me about her 14 year old dog who went blind and lived to be 17 running up and down stairs. This gave me hope!

Penelope's appointment was for 3:30pm. By the time we got there, the pressure had dropped significantly in her eye to normal range again. Dr. Millichamp said he could see evidence of lost vision and deterioration of the eye since our last visit...in other words...the glaucoma we were hoping to hold off as long as possible is beginning to rear its ugly head and it is just a matter of time before it attacks. I am left with two options. I can have the doctor perform a laser surgical procedure which is exorbitantly expensive in the hopes of maintaining her vision. Though it is a relatively common procedure in humans, it has only been performed on pets for the past 2 or 3 years. This means there is really not a proper case study on it. Post surgery, she would most likely still be on lifetime meds. Option #2 is to keep her on meds trying to maintain the vision as long as possible and to keep the pressure low as long as possible - in other words, we are treating the symptoms more aggressively than we were before when we were only treating the pressure issue. Once the meds no longer work and the glaucoma takes over leaving her completely blind and, unfortunately, in pain, we will have to do the same surgery that was done to her left eye. Though this procedure is not cheap by any stretch of the imagination, it is still $1600 less expensive than Option #1. Post surgery, she would be on antibiotic meds just until the eye heals and then she would be off of meds entirely.

While Dr. Millichamp took Penelope to the back to run his tests, I was leafing through a book that was in the examination room. It was about learning to live with your blind dog and it gave me some awesome suggestions like putting bells on the collar of other pets in your home to help your blind dog identify the location of the other pet(s). Different kinds of bells or different quantities of bells would mean distinguishing sounds to help your pet differentiate the different beasts roaming around. When we all gather at my parent's house, there are as many as 6 dogs, so I thought I could assign specific bell arrangements to specific dogs while we are all together to help my little love muffin adjust when the time comes.

So, for now Penelope is on one oral medication and three different eye drops ultimately waiting for the inevitable. It appears her eyesight is the worst in the mornings, but thankfully she doesn't seem to be in pain right now other than irritation when I put in the eye drops.

This is all just so very emotional for me. I love this little girl as if she were my child...let's face it...for the past 9 years, she has been my cuddly little kiddo.

So, I ask that you please pray that the disease holds off as long as possible, that Penelope's pain is minimal, and that we all adapt to what the future holds gracefully.

***UPDATE***

It's now Wednesday, 4/7, and Penelope is completely blind. I think what gets me the most is how rapidly it happened. She is very gingerly walking around the house with her nose to the ground. I'm, of course, acting like an over-protective mama. It's funny how things you never thought about all of the sudden become a concern. For example...the bed. Penelope sleeps with me. I never worried about her falling off the bed until last night. I know we will just have to go through an adjustment period while she feels, smells, and hears her way through the rest of her years here on this Earth, but it's just weird. I'm going to buy jingle bells today to help Penelli identify Delilah before Delilah has a chance to trample over her. I suppose it wouldn't hurt for me to make a jingle bell bracelet for myself, either. We can handle this, I know we can. At least for now, she is not in pain. Oh...and getting the eye drops in her this morning was a breeze because she literally didn't see them coming. There...that's the glass-half-full spin you've all been waiting for.