answered prayers

Some of you may or may not know that I'm back on the market.  No, no...I can't be bought.  Well...wait a minute...if the price is right, maybe I can be.  I kid, I kid.... 

I'm single...again.  It's okay, though.  Have you ever seen the movie Some Kind of Wonderful?  Growing up, my family was big into movies.  We still are, actually...but life seems to get in the way.  My dad liked to get messages out of movies and then use them to teach us about life, if that makes any sense.  So the message he wanted us to walk away with from Some Kind of Wonderful is that it is better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons. 

My parents raised all 4 of their children to be independent.  As I wrote in my Day 18:  What I believe post, I believe it is important for everyone to know they are capable of being self-supporting.  I know that I am capable of taking care of myself.  I have proven this over the course of the past 12 years.  In other words, I never have to fear getting involved with someone just because I know they can take care of me.  On the flip side of that, however, I can see how my independence could perhaps hinder me in a relationship, as well.

It is true that I want to be a wife to a wonderful man and a mother to beautiful children, but above that, I NEED to be happily married so that a strong foundation is built for those children.  In order to be happily married, I feel two people must be on the same page on many different subjects.  That isn't to say that there won't be some compromising or conceding, but for the most part, the basic fundamentals need to be similar...the couple needs to be compatible.

Though the guy I was dating was very nice, polite, and we did have fun together, I had some concerns.  There is really no reason to go into specifics.  The thing was, I couldn't be sure if the concerns were as a result of issues from my past haunting me or perhaps I was being too particular/picky or maybe I was just plain too used to being "all by myself" in the famous words of Celine Dion.

Now let me insert a purposeful sidetrack here...

Many many moons ago, I got called for my very first jury duty.  I thought it was really cool, but the timing was bad because of work.  I posponed it to the very last day it could be postponed.  It seemed like a smart decision at the time.  Low and behold, work decided they needed to send me out to another office to train someone.  I was to fly out the day after my jury duty.  This ultimately meant I could not get picked.  I have always taken issue with people who made up ridiculous lies to get out of jury duty.  I could never and would never claim a prejudice, for example, for such a thing.  I prayed for a legitimate reason to become apparent to me...and it did.  The case was criminal in nature and ultimately the defendent was allegedly busted with recreational cocaine.  We, as jurors, IF we found him guilty would have to be able to consider the full scope of punishment for this crime.  The full scope of punishment was 2 to 99 years in prison.  Well for crying out loud, I could not send a man to jail for up to 99 years with my tax paying dollars because he chose to throw his life away on recreational drugs.  BAM - that's an answered prayer in my book.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

I prayed that if this fellow was not the right guy for me, that all doubts would be cast out of my head.  In other words, please dear Lord, make it obvious to this Aggie! 

Without going into unnecessary details, let me just say that once again my prayers were answered.  Suddenly (on Monday evening), everything was crystal clear for me.  This man was not to be my future husband or the father of my future children.  Fundamentally on things that really matter...things that you just have to be on the same page about...we are just too different.  It doesn't make him a bad guy.  He's just not the right guy for me.  I'm not looking for Mr. Right Now.  I'm seeking out my Mr. Forever.  This meant that I needed to have an uncomfortable conversation.

I did.  *sigh*  Last night.  *sigh*

So...I'm back on the market just "wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'" that eventually the right guy will come along so I can have my very own happily ever after...